So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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