forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm bleeding and have questions
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
