I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
