I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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