The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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