That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
