So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
