...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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