He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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