It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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