I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
