Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
