non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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