The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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