I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
