WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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