There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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