she looked like the before picture.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
