what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
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Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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