I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
