I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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