Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
