i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
