im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
