She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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