I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
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Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
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We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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