Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
