Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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