True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
