A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
