my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
