Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
