Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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