I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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