I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
