wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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