She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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