there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
