last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
