My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She's the barista slut.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
