cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
