just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
