It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
