I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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