i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
