You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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