You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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