i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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