You work out of a Hotel?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
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THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
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His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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