Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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