You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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