i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My dad is sitting where you rode me
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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