Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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