dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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