the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
