i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
