he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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