I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
