new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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