If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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