He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
