I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
