Kiss
Puke
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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