Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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