shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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